Dealing with Anger
“Don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.” Ephesians 4:26-27
I struggle with anger. Just like anxiety, anger is a signature sin of mine.
I have distinct memories as a kid where I would throw my baseball equipment, yell at no one in particular, and erupt in anger over small things. 98% of the time, I’m an emotionally even-keeled kind of guy. But 2% of the time I feel strong feelings of sadness or anger.
Let’s talk about anger.
As Paul writes in Ephesians, it’s a sin to let anger control you. And if you continue to struggle with it and hold onto those angry feelings, that anger will give Satan a space in your life reserved for someone or something else.
But notice, Paul didn’t say ANGER is a sin. Letting anger control you as a sin.
That’s where I’ve grown over the last few years.
Anger used to control me. I would feel out of control when I was angry. While that still occasionally happens and I fall back into old habits, I’ve gotten to a place my anger is under control.
How have I learned to control anger?
I breathe.
There’s obviously something biochemically happening when we get angry. Our blood boils, our brains are overloaded, there’s a physical “fight” response happening in our bodies. So, to physically combat those feelings, I focus on my breathing. It sounds simple and kind of strange, but by doing so, your lungs are filling with breath, the blood is clearing away, and your body is readjusting back to normal. Also, there’s something about focusing on the breathing that helps you mentally step away from the anger. So, next time you feel yourself getting angry, breathe.
I step away.
Besides simply breathing, sometimes I need to step away. Innate in our DNA wiring, we all experience a “fight or flight” response when we experience fear or anger. We want to fight it; or run away. In most cases, I want to “fight it” so one way to combat those angry feelings is to learn to step away. I need time. A few moments. Several minutes. Rather than responding to that email, I sit on it. Rather than engaging in a yelling match with my wife, we agree to step away. There’s something about stepping away that helps me sort through anger.
I release it.
In most cases, I need to do something with my anger. While the answer might be to meet someone head on, more often than not the answer is to release it to God. Release the emotion so I can deal with the situation more manageably.
One last note: I refuse to go to bed angry. Sure there’ve been times I’ve been frustrated or upset, but if there’s an actual argument or fight, specifically with my wife, we will always apologize before heading to bed. No sleeping in other rooms. No staying somewhere else. We’ll meet, head on, apologize, and deal with the issue in the morning. But we will not go to bed angry.
How do you deal with anger?